Kenpachi Masamune

I sat there on the edge of my bed (bad form, this is narrative) Pondering to myself...I felt like I were dead. (Doesn't flow) There I sat. Sat. (Doesn't work) ...

Why can't you just, open your mind and see? See with those glazed eyes, that you're suffocating me? (rhyming with see. Fine for now.) I wish you would, because you're ...

a love lost, a love stolen, (split into two lines) and the cost; a heart broken. (split into two lines) a sliver of metal, his only way, (split into two ...

I gave him the package With no despair I told him not to break it Not even a tare (while tare is a word, I think you mean tear) Inside ...

A chorus of singers Raptured and gentle. (Raptured....this seems unusual with the definition of the word) The rhythm conducting their movement: An electric pulse compels. All that hath life and ...

bête noire she calls them stones around her neck, stones around her neck, not pieces of diamond (stones is repetitive) and jade, but of imperfected rock. (imperfect) their little chubby, ...

Golden Goddess, (Golden fruit....oranges? Apricots?) Perched in the air, (Orchids obviously) We reach out to her (Picking them.) And she grants us life. (Healthy...) Oranges? While not as obscure as ...

Not to sound harsh, but I REALLY don't think this is a good idea for her parents to read. It may sound like a nice thing to do, but I ...

My family is special to me and all (bad opening line, unoriginal) When we trip, our family lift us from our fall ( when is repeated too much in this ...

To be truthfully honest (4) What people say (3) Does not matter anyway (4... good) What you do (3) Can only be judged by you (6) And that is very ...

My eyes peel back (peel is odd...but ok) And I stare out yonder. (yonder is old and old times) My sword twitches. (....magically?) I see no tomorrow, Just an end ...

1. These ruby eyes the blood of life withouth them (without) the red star cannot exsist (exist) nor can anything that lives or breaths (breathes, not breaths) The eyes are ...

I taste blood. -fine That fist that met my cheek, -agreed on repetition of that. was it really his? - fine It couldn’t have been… - fine strong hands grasp ...

He cannot confess what he has not done (fine) during his trial underneath the sun. (fine) And yet enduring his burden he smiles, (fine) making his troubles seem gray and ...

I step in ravishing snow, (odd word choice with ravishing) hugging myself to sleep under a withered tree's glow. Children chatter and play, They dream of imaginary places And forget ...